A new years resolution

"Keep smiling, Be happy, Stay awesome."

Feel free to steal it!

Peace & Love

An email I got

I got this email a couple hours ago from a friend. I could relate to it so I thought it would be interesting to put it up here. Read up!

So what is a quarter life crisis?

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now .You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you .You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you .Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure .You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life .You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward .You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you .Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better .Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender !What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it .We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

-----

Pretty interesting huh?

Inspi(Red)

This has to absolutely the weirdest way of putting a poem together. And for the most part I wouldn't even think of it as a poem. A story I guess. Had to put it up here?


I was out cold yet thinking about you
I woke up near some trash and wondered why
I knew, but i dare not think
I thought but i dare not see

I see the truth in your eyes
Your eyes are so deep i'd swim in them
I see the truth in your smile
Your smile’s so lovely it makes me fall in love

But my best shot wasn’t even enough
And I thought why I stayed out cold
Oh, I dare not think
Oh I dare not see

I see the truth in your stories
You’re stories are so romantic I want to live your life
I see the truth in your lies
You’re lies are so flattering I want to hear them

And I don't know why I still think
Or wonder why I'd rather have you by my side
But you're voice is so compelling
I'd change my life
 ---

Like always, Suggestions are welcome.

Peace and Love.

Buddha

I've been reading a lot about buddhism and the fundamental beliefs that it stands for. I'm in the process of writing about those beliefs but I came across something that I think I shouldnt waste anymore time in putting it up here. It's a quote.

"Thousands of candles can be lit from one candle, And the life of the candle will never be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared" - Buddha

True.

A poem or something

I've not been feeling very inspired lately. At least not inspired to write. Just yesterday I was standing on my roof trying to figure out why I wasn't able or willing to write lately. Just then my friend called from India. I hadn't talked to her in a while, and right as I hung up, in a fit of exactly the inspiration I needed, I came up with this. So I will dedicate this to you Aanchal. Now, obviously it has nothing to do with you, it's only dedicated to you!

I can't put myself in a place I belong
Like the time I did when you wrote me our song
I saw in your blue eyes what you wanted me to see
I didn't close mine
I didn't want now to slip away

Even with little bread and wine we sang and danced
But now it seems I don't care much about love
that brings feelings of hurt, to you or to me
And I don't think I care much about the anticipation
that love brings with it

But I am only a man and a man can lie
About his cares in this world, his affairs in this world
Just like your eyes and the sorrows they behold
But I mean no harm to you when I say
I want to go, to go far, far away

And yet, I can't point a finger on what went wrong,
And still, I can't see myself in a place where I belong

--

Like always, suggestions are welcome.

Peace and Love

For Bombay

There is not much I want to say about what happened in Mumbai/Bombay over the past few weeks. I hope everything is better now. It bothers me a lot that people can't let other people just be. Not that they can crush Mumbaikars' spirit with indiscriminate fires and bombings. I didn't cry when I heard about the bombings. I did so when I heard about the courage that every mumbaikar has put out in making sure the spirit of the city remains intact.

I love you Mumbai, and Mumbaikars - You are an inspiration to me.

Peace and Love,

A funny christmas story

So, I was just thinking about Santa Claus. and I realized that i didnt know about him until I was 14 years. and I didnt know that he wasn't real until I was 16. Most of my childhood (specially christmas) was at my grandfather's place and I don't know why he never told me.

Well, some of my friends in Bombay told me about Mr. Claus when I was 14, and thought it would be funny if I really believed in him.

Ah well, Santa Claus is coming to town! (So watch out, don't cry, and ESPECIALLY, don't pout.)

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Ps. I know its not christmas for another month, and It's thanksgiving even before that - but, I have a special attachment to this time of the year. Happy thanksgiving!

What could this be?

Backstory: I laugh A LOT, and very loudly.

Earlier today, I was talking to some friends and they made a hilariously funny joke. typically I would laugh like a crazy person on crack, but I started laughing, and I realized i didnt feel like it. I found it funny, but I didnt feel like laughing at all.

I dont understand, just thought I'd put it up here.

A Quote or two

“While I kept my heart to myself, I never had a single morning of anguish or a single night of insomnia. Since I fell in love, my life has been a sequence of anguish, losses, confusion. I think that God, by using love, managed to hide hell in the middle of Paradise” - Paulo Coelho

Love possesses nothing and does not want to be possessed, because it is enough in itself. It will make you grow, and then throw you on the ground. It will whip you so that you feel your impotence, it will shake you to rid you of all your impurities. It will crush you to leave you flexible. And then it will toss you in the fire so that you can become the blessed bread to be served at God’s sacred feast (The Prophet, by Khalil Gibran [1883-1931])
--

I don't know why this means so much to me, but it does...

A quarter to share

A week ago I found a quarter on the street as I was stumbling back home after a long friday night. I took it and put it in my pocket. I used it the next day when I had to buy something. Yesterday, I went to burger king for to take care of my veggie burger craving. I saw a homeless man sitting on one of the chairs counting coins and as I passed by, he asked me if I would spare him some change.

I ignored him. I ordered a burger and as I did that, I was reminded about the quarter that I used. The quarter that wasn't mine. I bought him small fries. That's not even the point of this story. As I walked out, he called one of his other homeless friends and goes "hey, I have fries. Come on, lets eat."

No food to eat, and yet no greed. Tell that to the wall street. Truly heart warming.

The Sound of You: A Poem

I haven't been getting a lot of inspiration lately to write poems or about anything that I've been thinking about  on my blog. I don't know why, but I was sitting on my rooftop earlier and staring at the clear sky and I came up with this: It's still in draft form, but do let me know what you think!

The sound of the raindrops hitting the ground,

I'm sitting with some bread and wine in my tent

trying to find the love that can never be found.

All that reminds me of you is the scent

that I smell on my clothes and my bed.

I'm going to go away in some world of my own,
And work like every other man around me
But when I look around I'll be alone

And all i have to do is listen to what I cannot see

Are the thoughts that were thought but never said

A late thank you

This gratitude is about 2 years overdue, to a person named Rob Thomas. Back in the day when I used to work at the facilities center at Northeastern, I had a small problem. The only problem was that it wasn't exactly a small problem. In one way, I was one of the lucky freshman because I got to live at West Village over summer. On the flip side of that, the three roommates who lived with me were party animals. They'd come home drunk every night, bring people over and make a lot of noise. I am not complaining. It sounds like Im complaining, but I'm not.



Now, two months into this crazy 'living situation', It was a pain in the ass. I did the whole communication thing by talking to the roommates, but they wouldn't listen. I called housing and told them about the situation, and no luck there either.



So, obviously, I was very pissed one morning as I went to work. I was talking about it and someone over heard it. That person was Rob. He came over to my cubicle, introduced himself and told me to hang around after work. I was obviously freaked out until he explained to me that he is trying to get me to move into a new housing. An hour later, I got a call from Rob, he tells me to come outside WVC.



I went down. There were three people waiting with a pick up truck to help me move to my new place for the rest of the summer on St. Stephen St.



I was going through my notes and stumbled upon this. Im glad I did. Thanks once again Rob.

Your Mom.

I had a strange dream last night. It was rather long but I'll write the part that is relevant to you.



You were sitting in some kind of a cubicle with your mom. The setting felt like a library, so it probably was. You were studying and your mom was looking outside the window. I was passing by and wondered why you were studying even though school was over. You asked me to sit down. We talked a little and I helped you a with your work. It was math, I think. Eventually we were only talking and you wanted to study, and you told me so. I didn't leave. I stayed and helped you with your work.

I feel like I never left. And I never will, even if only in my dreams.

What I still can't fathom is what the hell was your mom doing in my dream.

A note on the bathroom stall

Bathroom stall notes are always funny. The guy who scribbled this one is a Bathroom-Stall-Note genius, and not to mention poetically hilarious:

"I came here,
Broken-hearted,
Sat down to poop,
But only farted"

What can I say?

They Don't Care

I clip a lot of things that I experience on my mobile phone. All these note clippings reached a point where I couldnt find what I wanted, so I started organizing these notes: One note in particular grabbed my attention.

About a year ago:
I was sitting next to this girl on my bus to New York from Boston. She was getting married in less than 2 months since this day, I think she was about 20 years old. In a seemingly stupid way, I asked her why she wanted to get married so early on in her life (Now that I think of it, I had no business asking her this question), but she didn't hesitate to answer.

Her response was that she felt "like nobody cared about her". It seems very low and depressing, but I can't help but think about what she must've gone through in her life to feel like this when she was only 20. She was very funny and charming.

I hope you're happily married and feel better about your life - Wherever you are.

The Movies in Real Life

A couple days ago, I was waiting outside a coffee shop for a friend. A girl was walking by. A guy came running by accross from the street and said to her "Hi, I need to know your name." She turned around and smiled and said "Were you running"? He said yes.

Right after that I had to go, and I didn't realize this till later when I sat to think about what I had done that day.

I thought it was just like what happens in the movies. I would like to believe that she gave him her name, they talked for a while, maybe even had coffee at the same place where this incident took place.

Controlling your emotions, or being controlled.

Controlling your emotions, or keeping them tied up when you're working is something I have heard from multiple people in multiple places (I must say most of these sources are TV shows/ Movies). This isn't something I've experienced first hand, but if I had to control my emotions, I know it would be very hard to do. And I dont see that in a negative light. To be honest, Human beings are one of the few creatures that can experience the greatest emotions such as love, happiness, excitement, contentness. And to tie these emotions down would be a waste of such a valuable resource, no?

Now, I do understand that there are a bunch of people out there that have made a TON of money by tying down these emotions, but is it really worth it? I hear a lot of hell yeah's in the distance, but personally I think not. And when I say emotions, I don't mean those that make other people feel bad, or those that make you hate things, or those that make you want to kill someone. or, hell, even those that make you want to just jump off a 100-story building. I refer to the emotions that give you a natural high, those emotions that make you want to hug and smile and love. Because after all, it is true that these things are free, and the best things in life.

Speaking strictly in terms of intuitiveness, emotions can do a great deal for a person. I think I'm fairly intuitive and happy about the choices I make, whether consciously thought out or otherwise. Leaving mathematics aside for just one second (I will get to this later, because Math is by far one of the best discoveries for mankind), I think that the first impression of anything is by far the best impression, and not in a critical or judgmental way, but you will end up realizing most of the times that the first thing you're mind (or your heart, if you will) wanted you to do was the best for you.

Now this brings me to the last point (Don't worry about the math, I've got it covered): I'm not saying that you should let these emotions control you, Im simply saying that once in a while, if you let yourself loose you will experience something so many people only dream of - The freedom, the contentedness (which in turn leads to happiness), the idea that everything is going just like it should, and eventually, sub-consciously, you will start acting this way a lot. And believe me (well, you don't have to - try it for yourself), it will make you feel one with the One.

Funny side note, ever think that you might be the One?

So think about this (or don't - act upon it), and feel free to leave comments to let me know your thoughts on this subject! I'm leaving you with a couple nice quotes. Peace and Love.

“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” - Oscar Wilde

“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” - Carl Bechner

PS. Article on the Why math is so amazing coming up soon (February 2025, just kidding.)

Control, or the illusion of control.

I want to start this article by citing a reference to a very recent movie called the kung fu panda. The movie shows us, sometimes very subtly and some other times, not so much, that we are never actually in complete control of our lives. That this control is just simply an illusion. This is particularly obvious when the master uses the example of the peach tree and how one can plant it and see that the fruit it bears are peaches, but one can never actually control when the fruits ripen or the tree is completely grown.

Now, starting out with the example of a movie might not have been the best idea when I'm trying to make a point that probably changed the way I will think about my life. Now whether this was meant to be or not, I have no idea. I don't want to go into the story too deep for the fear of opening myself up too much but what came out of it was the idea that I need to control my life.

Or atleast the fact that I need to take more responsibilities and the ones I already have a little more seriously. Another outcome was me having to realize that simply, I have to do whatever it takes to get what I want. Destiny, Karma or whatever one calls it that has 'actual control' over my life will not just hand it over to me. And more so when opposed to doing what other people want me to do. Although all of this might seem very obvious when written down, for some reason I think that I dont feel so strongly that these ideas are practiced with that much conscious obviousness.

Now getting to the control aspect, I have always been (and still am) scared that if I am in complete control of my life, do I have to answer only to myself? If not who do I answer to? Do I have to answer at all? The recent experience solved this mystery, and atleast for me, it was a (not so subtle) epiphany.

I will never know if there is soemone out there that I have to answer to, and Im not trying to make a religious/spiritual statement here, but what I do know is what I want (And when I didnt I tried to figure this out). Now if, per say, I dont have any control over what's going to happen to me in the rest of my life, I do know that I can atleast try to take actions towards meeting the goals that will make me successful from my own viewpoint. On the flipside, if I do have complete control over my life, and thus, every single action i perform, I don't see why I should not take responsibilities and take actions towards meeting the same goals mentioned above.

I'm sure that there are many people out there that have already experienced this, and many who still will. To the latter, I hope this article can help put things in perspective, and to the former, I sincerely wish you good luck with your goals. There is no real conclusion Im trying to make (or any that I can try to make) to this idea. My success in my life from my viewpoint would conclude this experience to me and for your own experience, to you.

I do still think that control is scary and that I want to know that my actions in the coming days, months and years will align with what I have said in this article. Another important thing I want to stress on is that I am making absolutely no religious or spiritual arguments here.

Now as I take on this control (or perhaps, this illusion of control) of my life, I want to be able to say that many times in the past I havent known what I wanted out of life, and there will be more moments like this. There have been times when I havent trusted anything, and there will be many more moments where I will feel the same way. But the least I can do is consciously try to understand what my fears are and face them. I want to end this by quoting one of my favorite quotes all time (Oh, and by the way, this is from a TV show - Scrubs) :

J.D. (from scrubs): I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances, and how it's really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, everytime you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it.

Now explain to me why TV is bad? ;)

A poem with no title

I really wanted to create something that I could relate to, something/somewhere I want to be. I came up with this - feel free to leave your comments/suggestions. Obviously this one too is in the rawest form. I was just thinking about how it would be when I go to New York for my first internship in the United States - and this struck me. I want to consider a lot of improvements on this one because It is one of the rhymes that I really like - but I'm sure there are a load of improvements I can make. You're feedback is always appreciated!

let's go to a place where we know no one,
a place with the brimming sun,
oh, what conversations the trees would make,
and oh, what music the land would create.

you know you dont want this night to end,
we could make it last forever, we don't need to pretend...
and if we find a place that nobody's seen,
We'll be what we always wanted to have been...

Let's dance till our heels turn sore,
dance coz of the too many tensions we bore,
oh, what conversations the music would make,
and oh, we could dance coz we can relate.

Tarun Betala | www.tarunbetala.com

My New Hobby!

My New Hobby:

I've been riding around town a lot in this awesome new bike that I just bought (Feb 4th, 2008). I've been trying to think of what to name it, but unfortunately, I cant think of anything. It feels rather amazing to be able to get anywhere I want so easily. And it's a great workout too, you know, when I ride to Harvard.

It's a beauty, and I am actually considering joining the bikers club in Boston (just so I can actually keep up with the laters rides and everything), but lets see how that goes along. I'll keep you guys posted if I come across a good biking team/club. I have some pictures of the beauty, take a look. Im calling it "the Bikey" now. If you have a better suggestion, let me know.

Okay, so naming the bike is, so, totally lame, but I remember when I had my first bike back in Chennai, India (Where I was born). I named it, and it was pretty much like a pet to me (Im not a big fan of having animals as pets, but maybe a dog, someday)

And if you wanna go biking around town, you know who to call. Also, if you have suggestions on a name for the bike, leave me a comment!

Thoughts about the first week @ Harvard

So after my first week @ HES, I think I have a basic feel of how classes actually are conducted. I think it is rather interesting that all my professors are great and all my teaching assistants are complete dumbasses. This TA from one of my classes is absolutely retarded, lets take for example this following transcript:

Student: Can you explain more about the Keynesian Theory?
TA: What exactly is it, uh, that, uh, you want to know (pauses) about this, uh theory?
Student: You know, just what it is...
TA: Oh, okay? but what specifically?

All I could say was... wow!

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about them giving us a regularly scheduled TA meeting, Im just pissed off that there's no point actually going to the meeting.

Okay, enough of that -- The bottom line is that the in class activities are awesome, and the teachers are funny. Outside of the classroom, It's amazing to be in Cambridge, regardless. Maybe this is because of the new atmosphere, and I like change. Even though it's cold, one could just sit in the lawn and people watch -- There's always people walking around and it's always lively. I should take some pictures

Next class is tomorrow, and honestly, I am looking forward to it.

Harvard Extension School starts in 3 days

Considering what looks good on my resume, I decided that I want to take a course at Harvard Extension School (HES). So I took off this semester from northeastern university and applied to the HES. It's relatively easy to get in, pending the fulfilment of (very few) requirements. I originally wanted to take 4 courses, all in the subject of Finance. I ended up choosing 2 Finance courses (Investment Theory and Applications) and Documentary Photography. I dropped the Music Theory class for Doc. Photography because apparently I need to know how to read music (you know, the notations).

I'm almost as excited as the London School of Economics, the only difference being I am not experiencing with a whole new city (well, you could say it's a whole new environment, but it's nowhere as close). I'm sure the professors here are as good as the actual Harvard Day school. This should be really advantageous to me. The possible ups and downsides of these, the way I see it:

Upsides:
1. I *could* make some great contacts. Considering this is almost like a SPCS, I'm going to be surrounded by some experienced people with a lot of aspirations. This might turn out to be good.
2. My next Co-op: This could actually help me a lot in my next co-op assignment, hopefully at Morgan Stanley, just how I want it.
3. I get to learn from the world's best: Like I said, if the teachers at the extension school are just as good, this might just be a gem of an investments.

Downsides:
-1. My credits don't get transferred: Granted that in the long run it doesnt matter, but I am practically delaying my graduation by 4 months, unless I overload every semester from this point forward. exciting.
-2. Night School!: I dont know why I put this under a downside, because I can actually take my daytime for all the research I want to do about the financial world. But again, It's night school. :-/
-3. WORK. AND LOTS OF IT has never really been a bad thing, but I will be doing graduate level courses right now. so really, Lots of work.

The way I see it, the potential downsides are not a worthy opposition to the upsides. See, why I am so excited? Oh, and another thing, Harvard actually ends 22nd May, which means my Northeastern classes have already begun by then. Oh, my!