The old man

If I have found such a thing, to exist,
as love,
It was lovely.

If I have found such a thing to exist,
as love,
It was abundant.
It was still rare.

If I have found such a thing to exist,

as love,

It was generous.

It was still greedy.

If there was such a thing as love,

It was inexplicable,

and precisely why so verbose.

It was so unnatural;

It was so colloquial.

It was so giving;

It was so demanding.

It was always colorful and never

black and white.

It was for always and for ever and never

impossible

If I have found such a thing to exist,

as love,

I have never looked.

If I have ever found myself so desperate

as to look,

I have never found such a thing to exist,

as love,

Only such things to pretend, to exist,

as an illusion.

If I have found such a thing to exist,

as love,

It never deceived me more

than my imagination.

It never hurt me more

than myself.

It never overpowered me more

than what I loved did.

If I have found such a thing to exist,

as love,

I have found a new self 

every time.

If I have found such a thing to exist,

as love,

I have feared to lose it,

lost it,

and found it anew and indifferent

when I found myself so 

desperate as to love,

but never to look.