I tend to not make any personal entries on the blog, but today's experience has made me so much more understanding of humanity that this will have to be the exception. I went to Hyderabad today for the Annual IT awards after which I had decided to get back home the same night.
But Indu, my aunt passed away not too long ago - she was affected by cancer and had her severity for 10 months. So I decided it would be a good time to visit my uncle whom I have not seen for almost 10 years now. Bhopal, my uncle, decided that it would be time well spent if he took the first hour and called every one of his brothers and sisters to tell them that I was here (except for my father, for he already knew of my being in Hyderabad). At first my thoughts were that why doesn't he talk to me instead of insisting I talk to all my uncles I haven't spoken to in, say, 10 years? Later he explained that it doesn't mean much to me because I don't care and that I've been away long enough so as to not remember moments when we were close. He added that it means a lot to them. It makes them a little brighter because I slept on their laps as a child, I brought happiness into their lives, I brought them to care and bond. All the while without even knowing.
Of course, I don't say that to delve in vanity. I want to bring to light that it only makes me an arrogant jackass to not even bother asking them how they were, but it obviously is the way I am.
**
For somebody whose life has been changed upside down, it is an amazement to see Bhopal be as optimistic, talkative and strong as he is: this was one of the two ways his attitude could've taken him, the other would've been down the road of depression. He told me two things: first, that there is no need to be scared. Of anything and anyone, and that he learnt from his son, my cousin, from whom even the school headmaster would be scared (and scarred, too, based on the stories). Second, that the only way to look is forward, she came and she went (in reference to Indu) and that his life, although not unaffected by it, shall have to move forward.
Its strange that we hear these things all the time: but through the words of others or the TV and movies. To really experience it has made me realize what feats we are capable of. Every other story he iterated to me had to do with his late wife, sometimes the painting on the wall, or sometimes that journey they took to Rajasthan when she was critically ill; Or even how she bought the only car they've ever had with her own hard earned money (in a conservative Rajasthani family such has *theirs*, women don't generally even work; the pride in that statement he made was implied and understood).
To lose a loved one is to lose balance, perspective and a damn lot of the world. To have hope and strength beyond what is imagined, and I'm only a third party to this, is an amazing sight. Its like that movie I saw, or the book I read, or the TV show I passively watched. Only that its not. It changes your perspective when you sit and just listen - the fact that Bhopal had so much to say only means that he has thought beyond thoughts that he is strong enough to overcome this. And perhaps he must because he saw how weak Indu was during the last few months, and how weak that made him.
**
Bhopal told me a third thing: to call family once in a while. Even if I don't call him. He told me how proud my paternal grand father feels when I simply dial the phone and call him. He cries. He tells everyone about it the next day. I had no idea and I thought I wouldn't call him because I don't want him to cry. it has changed my perspective upside down too. As emotionless and careless as I am with most of my familial relationships, this is nothing short of an inspiring and revealing story. I have resolved to pick up the phone and talk even though I hate it so much.
But Indu, my aunt passed away not too long ago - she was affected by cancer and had her severity for 10 months. So I decided it would be a good time to visit my uncle whom I have not seen for almost 10 years now. Bhopal, my uncle, decided that it would be time well spent if he took the first hour and called every one of his brothers and sisters to tell them that I was here (except for my father, for he already knew of my being in Hyderabad). At first my thoughts were that why doesn't he talk to me instead of insisting I talk to all my uncles I haven't spoken to in, say, 10 years? Later he explained that it doesn't mean much to me because I don't care and that I've been away long enough so as to not remember moments when we were close. He added that it means a lot to them. It makes them a little brighter because I slept on their laps as a child, I brought happiness into their lives, I brought them to care and bond. All the while without even knowing.
Of course, I don't say that to delve in vanity. I want to bring to light that it only makes me an arrogant jackass to not even bother asking them how they were, but it obviously is the way I am.
**
For somebody whose life has been changed upside down, it is an amazement to see Bhopal be as optimistic, talkative and strong as he is: this was one of the two ways his attitude could've taken him, the other would've been down the road of depression. He told me two things: first, that there is no need to be scared. Of anything and anyone, and that he learnt from his son, my cousin, from whom even the school headmaster would be scared (and scarred, too, based on the stories). Second, that the only way to look is forward, she came and she went (in reference to Indu) and that his life, although not unaffected by it, shall have to move forward.
Its strange that we hear these things all the time: but through the words of others or the TV and movies. To really experience it has made me realize what feats we are capable of. Every other story he iterated to me had to do with his late wife, sometimes the painting on the wall, or sometimes that journey they took to Rajasthan when she was critically ill; Or even how she bought the only car they've ever had with her own hard earned money (in a conservative Rajasthani family such has *theirs*, women don't generally even work; the pride in that statement he made was implied and understood).
To lose a loved one is to lose balance, perspective and a damn lot of the world. To have hope and strength beyond what is imagined, and I'm only a third party to this, is an amazing sight. Its like that movie I saw, or the book I read, or the TV show I passively watched. Only that its not. It changes your perspective when you sit and just listen - the fact that Bhopal had so much to say only means that he has thought beyond thoughts that he is strong enough to overcome this. And perhaps he must because he saw how weak Indu was during the last few months, and how weak that made him.
**
Bhopal told me a third thing: to call family once in a while. Even if I don't call him. He told me how proud my paternal grand father feels when I simply dial the phone and call him. He cries. He tells everyone about it the next day. I had no idea and I thought I wouldn't call him because I don't want him to cry. it has changed my perspective upside down too. As emotionless and careless as I am with most of my familial relationships, this is nothing short of an inspiring and revealing story. I have resolved to pick up the phone and talk even though I hate it so much.
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