Poem: Sometimes for the better

I love her.
It was a long time ago, so it doesn't hurt
when I think about it. And now when
I look at women, it only helps to compare
Sometimes I see better,
Sometimes I see worse.

But there was something
about her that was different.
It maybe because it was a first love.

You always think of first love
as different you see – the tickling
that you feel when
you're talking to them,
the feeling you feel that you
cant describe –
it's sort of like the wind.

It feels good when it touches you.

But she never found out.
Its not a different story.
Its not even a different perspective.
Its just what it is,
and what has always been.
I think everybody goes through this.

She had different plans too,
you know. She used to laugh
with other boys. She cried with me.
She cried to me.
She used to tell me
everything so I knew her.
I really knew her.

You know once you've seen
someone you love cry, you would
do anything to see
them smile and only smile

She used to smile when
she was with another boy
and I could have done
anything to keep her smiling that way.

It hurt me that she doesn't feel
that way with me
But it doesn't hurt me now
- it was a long time ago you see
But it made me feel
better because she was happy.
I could have done anything to
make that feeling go away too.

But she always came back to me.
I was her other half, so to speak.
Her brain, her soul were one with
mine. But maybe our hearts
weren't one. I love her still
and when I see other women,
I cant help but compare –
sometimes for the better,
sometimes for worse.